Response to Article on Codependency
Author: Denise Boggs

  As I read the article on codependency, I see the person I was eighteen months ago. As a matter of fact, I still see small traces of that codependent person every now and then. I have operated in codependency for most of my life. I know what it is like to have a parent depend on you for acceptance and emotional support. As a child, I always took responsibility for my parent’s divorce. All through my life I felt the need to please everyone. Even in my adult years I was very concerned about displeasing those I served in ministry and those whom I had relationships with. I drove myself to the brink of a nervous breakdown worrying about what others were thinking about me. At this point in my life, I have been totally stripped of who I once was. When I broke a long standing codependent ministry relationship, it cost me everything. I have never experienced such hurt and agony. My former pastor and I were intricately woven together in our relationship. We were both dependent on the other for affirmation and acceptance. I did everything in my power to please him. However, the effort was never good enough. When I finally broke free from that unhealthy relationship, I was a very broken and incomplete person. For many months I felt like I had no identity. I did not know who I was anymore. I had so depended on others to give me identity that I did not know how to stand on my own.  As I began my journey to wholeness, I began to see just how much I relied on the acceptance of other people to make me happy. What a revelation!
  As God began to work in my heart, I began to see that my identity was in Him. All those years I had put my identity in people and in my abilities and talents. Once all that was gone, I had no idea who I really was. It took me losing everything to see that I could only find my identity in God. These past two years have been a drastic dismantling of the codependent  house that was built around me. Room by room God has deconstructed my thought patterns and my value systems. Day by day I see that old codependent person being re-identified. I still have my days where I may slip back into some of those old thought patterns. But I remember the scripture in Proverbs 4:23 that states, “Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life”. Everyday is one step closer to my freedom from codependency. The road to freedom has been a hard one for me. I am still in the process of finding my place in Christ. Now that I understand what I am fighting, I know how to strategize to bring total freedom. Am I completely healed? My honest answer to that question would be “no”. But I am well on my way. As I gain my identity in Christ, I believe that my complete healing will come. I operated in codependency for thirty eight years. There is no quick fix to being free. I have to be determined in my heart and spirit to seek God and spend time with Him in order to know who I really am in Him.  D.M.