Healing For Rejection
Rejection is like a very painful disease; it can strike any one at any time. When rejection occurs during childhood it leaves a lingering pain that is experienced even in adulthood. Children and adults have the need to be loved and accepted. Rejection occurs when these needs are neglected or overlooked. Whenever rejection is experienced it is painful, however, the long-term effect of living as though you are rejected is even more painful.
We experience rejection when the significant people in our lives refuse to see how important their love and acceptance really is. Rejection may come as a result of actual abandonment, neglect, or simply a lack of affection.
Children can experience rejection and feel abandoned during a divorce or separation from one or both parents. Abandonment leaves the child feeling all alone and unwanted. This feeling can also be felt in a home where parents are preoccupied and unaware that the children’s emotional needs of love and acceptance are not being met.
Rejection can also occur in a home where parents are caring, but because the parents did not receive affection and touch from their parents, they are unable to show love by affectionate touches and affirming words. This will cause a child to feel the same feelings of rejection as the child down the street whose father is never at home. A father or mother who is in the home but emotionally unavailable can have the same effect on a child as if the parent were not there.
Rejection creates a deep wounding that is very painful. The pain from the experience of rejection will not just go away without healing. Many people are stuck, or “locked in time”, desperately needing to be set free from the pain of past rejections. Until healing occurs, you will live life as though you are still being rejected. Pain holds you to the time when you experienced the rejection. This causes you to feel as if you are still being rejected today even though it has been 20 years since the original rejection occurred.
Rejection is not…
Rejection is not a sign of weakness, although those who suffer from the pain of rejection over time become weary and even weak. Jesus understands your pain because He experienced rejection. “He came to his own and his own did not receive him.” John 1:11
The rejection from His own people lasted for three years until He went to the cross. On the cross, He cried “Father, why have you forsaken me?” He felt all of our pain at that moment; however, His last words were “it is finished.” He died, and rose again on the third day making full acceptance possible.
We are no longer rejected; we are fully accepted in Him! I can now say that I have experienced the pain of rejection, but I know that I am not rejected.
Jesus made provision for our complete healing. “He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds.” (Psalm 147:3) Bring your pain to Jesus Christ and release it to Him.
Don’t just forget it
One way many people try to get rid of pain is to just forget what happened and try to block out the person who hurt them. You can tear that person out of your address book and for a while you will be able to forget what happened; however, if healing did not occur the pain is still there. The pain that lingers from the past keeps you tied to the past. Isaiah, the prophet, said in Isaiah 1:4-6 that those people who have not been healed will end up going backwards. Like taking one-step forward and then two steps backward, you aren’t getting anywhere.
Don’t just run from it
Another way many people deal with pain is to run from it or pretend it really isn’t there. Pain is like a shadow, you look around and it is still there no matter how fast you run. That is why so many people are walking around with the shadow of the past still on them. Pain must be faced and dealt with in order for it to be put away. Instead of running from pain, stop, turn around and face it.
Pain must be faced to be healed. You may be one who has received some healing, but the pain still remains. The losses you have experienced in the rejection are one source of pain. You cannot forgive completely until you grieve what you have lost. As long as you still feel the pain, there is still more to grieve and release. Healing is like peeling an onion, with tears you peel it one layer at a time. Jeremiah says, from the prophet to priest… “They have healed the hurt of my daughter slightly, saying “peace, peace, when there is no peace.” (Jeremiah 6:13-14) The amount of peace you have can be a good indicator of how much healing you have received.
The following steps can be taken to receive your healing today. For healing to begin, you must acknowledge and release the pain of rejection. For healing to continue, you must release the one who rejected you (the offender). The pain is like a pocket of infection that must be cleaned out so the wound will heal. One way to get the infection out is to answer the following questions on a sheet of paper, expressing all of your bottled up feelings. Repeat the prayer at the end several times out loud during the healing process.
You are walking step by step to the cross to receive your healing. You will experience the peace of the Lord once you get to the cross.
1. Step one for healing is to face it.
Did someone hurt you? _________
Did someone leave you? __________
Did someone reject you?
Did someone not receive you? __________
Did someone not love you? ___________
2. Step two is to acknowledge the pain.
I do feel the pain of rejection by__________
It still hurts when I remember____________
3. Step three for healing is to face what you lost.
Did you lose out on a good mother?
Did you lose out on a good father?
Did you lose a good friend?
Did you lose a husband?
Did you lose a wife?
Fill in the blank, I lost _________.
4. Step four for healing is to accept what was lost.
Make a list and write down all that you have lost.
I accept the fact that I lost ____________.
I accept the fact that ____________is gone.
You’re now at the cross. Picture yourself there. Maybe even walk outside and find 2 sticks to make a cross.
5. Step five for healing is to release what you have lost. Lay it down at the foot of the cross.
Lord, I ask for your help to be set free from this pain. I release __________ to you Lord.
6. Step six for healing is to forgive the person.
Lord I choose to forgive __________ for hurting me. I bring this offense to the cross and declare it is over. I accept your shed blood, Lord Jesus, as payment in full. They owe me nothing.
7. Step 7 for healing is to receive forgiveness.
Lord, I acknowledge that because of the hurt and pain that I have carried for so long, that I have hurt others. Lord, I ask you to forgive me for____________
8. Step 8 for healing is to choose a new way of life.
•Lord, I choose life
•I choose a new way of life
•I choose abundant life
I walk away from this cross today with a new life, free from the pain of rejection. I am no longer rejected. I am fully accepted by you Lord and that is all that counts.
“Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.” II Corinthians 5:17
For further healing on this subject, may we suggest the following CD’s:
“The Pain of the Unmet Needs”
About the Author
Denise Boggs is an author, teacher, and director of Living Waters Ministry. http://www.livingwatersministry.com