Do you have adult children? Do you have adult children who refuse to grow up? Do you have adult children who continue to have the same reoccurring problems? Do you have adult children that you still feel responsible for? I’m not talking about little Bobbie who fell in the creek and you had to dry him off. I am talking about little Bobbie who is now 35 years old. Does he still get into trouble and depend on you to bail him out? Would you like to know what the solution is to this problem?

The answer is he has to grow up. He has to take responsibility as an adult. This will only happen if you, as a parent, reposition yourself as an adult talking to an adult. As long as you stay in the position as a parent taking care of your child, he will remain the child that depends on you to rescue him. As long as you, the parent, feel responsible for rescuing him, he will not mature. If he is 35, he should be facing his own consequences. If you are still rescuing him, then he will not change.

One of the hardest things for a parent to do is to see their children suffer from bad choices. Another thing that is very hard for a parent to do is to let their children learn from their bad choices. Some adult children actually move to another town just to get away from over-protective parents. A parent may think they are doing their adult children a favor to step in and save them from feeling the pain of a bad choice, but many times God uses pain to get our attention. We actually learn from our mistakes. You may be standing in the way of God working in his/her life, and if you are in the way, then they will not learn lessons. We are all due to reap from what we have sown. If we have sown bad seeds and the painful harvest hits, it will get our attention. But if someone is always stepping in to stop us from feeling the pain, then we will never learn the valuable lesson that God wants us to learn.

A Victim
A victim always feels like it is someone else’s fault that they are having a difficult time. They want others to do the work to solve the problem while they sit back and receive. A victim will feel like everyone who is not actively helping them, is against them. Everyone has weaknesses, but they will only invite people into their life that will go along with their weaknesses. They will depend on someone to always bail them out. They will feel more comfortable with people who tolerate their weaknesses rather than require them to face their weaknesses and change. As long as a victim is excused and his or her behavior is overlooked, they will remain a victim. And as long as someone steps in and fixes the problem, they will never change. A victim also always feels like somebody has done them wrong. They may use this to make a parent feel guilt for their mistakes. A mother who feels guilty because she is divorced and her son grew up without his father, may choose to feel responsible for her 35 year old son's problems. But as long as a parent feels guilty, they will not stop rescuing their adult children. And as long as the adult child remains a victim, they will not grow up.

Change
The first step towards change is for the parent, and the adult child to realize what is wrong:

• For the parent to release the adult child
• For the adult child to begin to seek the Lord and to be willing to face and admit they have a problem
• For the adult child to be willing to receive ministry
• For the adult child to be willing to be held accountable
• For the adult child to be willing to learn a new way to respond to the problems of life
• For the adult child to mature emotionally and spiritually with the help of a spiritual mentor
• A parent’s role is different when their children are adults. Parents need to see that now their child is an adult
• and needs to be mentored, and held accountable for lasting change to take place.
• The parent needs to take their rightful place as their adult children learn from their mistakes, and mature through
• the experience.