Healing For Rejection

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ, just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before Him in love, having predestined us to adoption as sons by Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the good pleasure of His will, to the praise of the glory of His grace, by which He made us accepted in the Beloved. Ephesians 3: 3-6

                           

Rejection is…

Rejection is one of the enemy’s strategies to keep God’s people from embracing their full identity as a child of God.  Our identity becomes that of a child of Almighty God when we put our faith in Jesus Christ.  When we accept our identity and begin to walk in it we are dangerous to the enemy.

It is Jesus that has determined who you are but when a family member rejects you, their lack of acceptance can be used by the enemy to make you feel like you are not wanted and don’t belong.  When rejection takes place the enemy uses this opportunity to offer us lies.   When you agree with the lie that you are not accepted and therefore not acceptable in general it is like a very painful disease that can strike at any time.

Rejection that occurs during childhood can have a lingering pain even into adulthood. Children and adults have the need to be loved and accepted. Rejection occurs when these needs are neglected or overlooked. You experience when rejection is felt, but even more painful is the long-term effect of living as if you are rejected.
 

Rejection is experienced when the significant people in our lives refuse to see how important their love and acceptance really is. Rejection may come as a result of actual abandonment and neglect, or just simply a lack of affection.

Children can experience rejection, and feel abandoned during a divorce or separation when they are separated from one or both parents. Abandonment leaves you feeling all alone and unwanted. This feeling can also be felt in a home where parents are preoccupied, and unaware that the children’s emotional needs of love and acceptance are not being met.
 

Rejection can also occur in a home where parents are caring, but because the parents did not receive affection and touch from their parents, they are unable to show love by affectionate touches and affirming words. This will cause a child to feel the same feelings of rejection as the child down the street whose father is never at home. A father or mother, who is in the home, but emotionally unavailable and not present, can be as hard on a child as if the parent was gone.

Rejection creates a deep wounding that is very painful. The pain from the experience of rejection will not just go away without healing. Many people are stuck, or “locked in time”, desperately needing to be set free from the pain of past rejections. Until healing occurs, you will live life as if you are still being rejected. Pain holds you to the time when you experienced the rejection. This causes you to feel as if you are still being rejected today even though it has been 20 years since the original rejection occurred.
 

Rejection is not…

Rejection is not a sign of weakness, although those who suffer from the pain of rejection over time become weary and even weak. Jesus understands your pain because He too experienced rejection. “He came to his own and his own did not receive him.” John 1:11

The rejection from His own people lasted for three years until He went to the cross. On the cross, He cried “Father, why have you forsaken me?” He felt all of our pain at that moment; however, His last words were “it is finished.” He died, and rose again on the third day making full acceptance possible.

We are no longer rejected; we are fully accepted in Him! I can now say that I have experienced the pain of rejection, but I know that I am not rejected.

Jesus made provision for our complete healing. “He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds.” (Psalm 147:3) Bring your pain to Jesus Christ and release it to Him.

Don’t Just Forget it

One way many people try to get rid of pain is to just forget what happened, and try to block out the person who hurt them. You can tear that person out of your address book, and for a while you will be able to forget what happened; but if healing did not occur, the pain is still there. The pain that lingers from the past keeps you tied to the past. Isaiah, the prophet, said in Isaiah 1:4-6 that those people who have not been healed will end up going backwards. Like taking one-step forward and then two steps backward, you aren’t getting anywhere.
 

Don’t Just Run from it

Another way many people deal with pain is to run from it or pretend it really isn’t there. Pain is like a shadow, you look around and it is still there no matter how fast you run. That is why so many people are walking around with the shadow of the past still on them. Pain must be faced and dealt with in order for it to be put away. Instead of running from pain, stop, turn around and face it.
 

Face it

Pain must be faced to be healed. You may be one who has received some healing, but the pain still remains. The losses you have experienced in the rejection are one source of pain. You cannot forgive completely until you grieve what you have lost. As long as you still feel the pain, there is still more to grieve and release. Healing is like peeling an onion, with tears you peel it one layer at a time. Jeremiah says, from the prophet to priest… “They have healed the hurt of my daughter slightly, saying “peace, peace, when there is no peace.” (Jeremiah 6:13-14) The amount of peace you have can be a good indicator of how much healing you have received.
 

Healing

The following steps can be taken to receive your healing today. For healing to begin, you must acknowledge and release the pain of rejection. For healing to continue, you must release the one who rejected you (the offender). The pain is like a pocket of infection that must be cleaned out so the wound will heal. One way to get the infection out is to answer the following questions on a sheet of paper, expressing all of your bottled up feelings. Repeat the prayer at the end several times out loud during the healing process.

You are walking step by step to the cross to receive your healing. You will experience the peace of the Lord once you get to the cross.
 

1. Step one for healing is to face it.

Did someone hurt you? _________

Did someone leave you? __________

Did someone reject you?

Did someone not receive you? __________

Did someone not love you? ___________

2. Step two is to acknowledge the pain.

I do feel the pain of rejection by__________

It still hurts when I remember____________

3. Step three for healing is to face what you lost.

Did you lose out on a good mother?

Did you lose out on a good father?

Did you lose a good friend?

Did you lose a husband?

Did you lose a wife?

Fill in the blank, I lost _________.

4. Step four for healing is to accept what was lost.

Make a list and write down all that you have lost.

I accept the fact that I lost ____________.

I accept the fact that ____________is gone.

You’re now at the cross. Picture yourself there. Maybe even walk outside and find 2 sticks to make a cross.

5. Step five for healing is to release what you have lost. Lay it down at the foot of the cross.

Lord, I ask for your help to be set free from this pain. I release __________ to you Lord.

                                                

6. Step six for healing is to forgive the person.

Lord I choose to forgive __________ for hurting me. I bring this offense to the cross and declare it is over. I accept your shed blood, Lord Jesus, as payment in full. They owe me nothing.

7. Step 7 for healing is to receive forgiveness.

Lord, I acknowledge that because of the hurt and pain that I have carried for so long, that I have hurt others. Lord, I ask you to forgive me for____________

8. Step 8 for healing is to choose a new way of life.

• Lord, I choose life
• I choose a new way of life
• I choose abundant life

I walk away from this cross today with a new life, free from the pain of rejection. I am no longer rejected. I am fully accepted by you Lord and that is all that counts.

“Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.” II Corinthians 5:17

 

 

For further healing on this subject, may we suggest the following CD’s:

“Forgiveness”

“The Pain of the Unmet Needs”
or
Come to a Living Waters Healing the Heart Retreat

“Now I say that an heir, as long as he is a child, differeth nothing from a servant, though he is Lord of all.”  Galatians 4:1

Like going to any new destination, you will need a vehicle to get you to the Father’s House; the only vehicle that will get you there is the vehicle of faith. It is by faith that we receive the promises of God.

And it’s only by faith that we enter into the Father’s House, the Big House where we receive our full inheritance. By faith you take your rightful place as a son or daughter and a joint-heir with Christ. As you read the Word and by faith receive the Word as Truth, you will find yourself dwelling in a new place, a higher place, high above the old life you once lived.

Galatians 4:1 says as long as we are children, we are as servants or as slaves, but when we put away the childish way of thinking—the old lies—we can by faith receive our identity and full inheritance.

Before faith, you are still a child—“thinking, feeling, and acting like a child”—living in the little house (I Corinthians 13:11). Now is the time to get into the vehicle of faith and travel to the Father’s House, where your full inheritance awaits you. You are no longer a servant or a slave; you have been redeemed and you are now an heir, a child of God, and a joint-heir with Jesus Christ.

“God sent forth His son… to redeem them that were under the law, that they might receive the adoption of sons. Wherefore thou art no more a servant, but a son, and if a son, then an heir of God through Jesus Christ.” (Galatians 4:4, 5, 7)

“For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God.  For [the Spirit which] you have now received [is] not a spirit of slavery to put you once more in bondage to fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption [the Spirit producing sonship] in [the bliss of] which we cry, Abba (Father)! Father!”  (Romans 8:14-15, Amplified).
   

 

 

From childhood to adulthood, life is full of lessons. When a child reaches 13, they enter into a time of adult training instead of child training. They are to be given tasks with more responsibilities than they had as a child and trained how to carry out those tasks properly.  When a young adult is not properly trained for adulthood their maturity is stunted. This is a great problem in many people today; they have not matured properly in one or more areas of their life.

 

Many adults are stuck in childish behavior; an adult/child. One thing that can keep an adult/child stuck is an unhealthy parent – child relationship. At the age of 13 when a child becomes a young adult they begin to move toward adulthood; the parent has to begin to move also. The parent begins to move towards an adult relationship with their young adult. This means they will give their young adult more responsibility and more opportunities to make their own choices. The parents are close by for correction, more training and support if the choices are wrong. Wrong choices should be worked through so the young person learns from their mistakes instead of being rescued from mistakes as though they were a child.

 

Can you remember a time when you were a small child all dressed up in clean clothes and you saw a muddy hole that you just had to jump over? If you do, then you may remember your mom or dad running to clean you up when you fell down.

 

When a child falls into a mud hole, a mom or dad will always and lift them up with loving hands and clean them off. But as that same child grows and matures, he must learn that he can’t play in the mud holes without getting dirty. And if he does fall in, he is old enough to get himself out and clean himself off. As an adult, if he has learned his lesson, he will know where the mud hole is, the problems it causes when he falls in, and therefore, choose to walk around the hole instead of trying to jump over it.

 

But, if a parent always rescues their 14, 15, and 16 year olds out of the muddy situations that they have fallen into and never let them learn lessons from their mistakes, their young person will struggle becoming a responsible adult.

 

In the area of finance, young people should be given financial responsibilities and taught how to manage finances properly. When parents fail to train their children and young people how to manage money, they do them a great injustice. These parents will find themselves always bailing their children out of the mud or the financial mistakes they make. An adult, (40 years old with children of their own) should not look to their parents to pay their debts. I am not talking about a one- time problem. I am talking about an ongoing problem. A parent, who continues to pay bills, pay off bad debts, and even not require payment for loans they have personally made to their adult/child, is not being a good parent.

 

This is called is “enabling”. As long as it continues the adult is stuck as a child never learning from their mistakes. If parents continue to rescue their adult/child they will not learn to take responsibility and therefore never grow up. The parent may think their acts of kindness such as paying bills and making loans and not requiring them to pay back are out of love, but it is enabling. At first it was love but, if it continues without any change on the part of the adult/child then it is actually bad parenting and detrimental.

 

Those of you who are spiritual parents must learn from this and apply the principles to those you are ministering to and help them to grow up and take responsibility.

 

Written by: Denise Boggs
Living Waters Ministry 

 

 

“Encourage one another daily” (Hebrews 3:13).

Just a recap of what God has done over the last month in Living Waters ministry.

On Dec. 30 Lee and I ministered to a couple who gave a donation into Living Waters for $1,000 with a written prophetic word for the ministry. They wrote on the check “seed.” We received the check with grateful hearts, but we knew this was no ordinary check. It was a “seed” to be planted where God said to plant it. We felt a huge weight of responsibility to hear God and be faithful with this precious “seed”. On Friday we ministered to this same couple again. By Friday night a huge breakthrough occurred and on Saturday when our ministry time was over this couple gave another donation of $2,000 into Living Waters and wrote “seed” on the check. We were so thankful, but a little overwhelmed now with the responsibility of planting this “seed”. Lee and I continued to pray that the Lord would show us where He wanted the “seed” planted.

On Tuesday of the next week Jon, our son-in-law, told us that the unfinished Lodge that we had looked at in 2008 was still available and reduced in price. This property included the unfinished 7500 sq. ft. Lodge, an office building, another shop/garden building, and 18 acres. The asking price was close to $350,000 and the property is worth much more than that. Lee and I and the family prayed and agreed that we were to move on this property. I had received a word from one of our intercessors several weeks before that now confirmed this was where we were to plant the “seed.”

By faith we planted the “seed” and made an offer of $300,000.00 for the Lodge. The offer was accepted on Friday morning 1/9/09 and we were given 30 days to come up with 30,000 as a down payment.

As soon as the first “seed” was planted all the other “seed” needed for the down payment began to be pledged, like water, it poured in. By that same Friday evening, the first $30,000 had been pledged.

By Friday 1/16/09, $17,850.00 came in towards the $30,000.00 down payment.  An exciting thing we are hearing is that blessings are flowing to those who have pledged to support this project. One person described it as a flow from the anointing of what God is doing in Living Waters ministry that is now flowing into their family.

By our closing date February 4, 2009 all the money needed for the down payment came in.  We have purchased the property and have begun the work.

Watch and see what the Lord has done and is continuing to do!

Love and blessings,
Lee and Denise

Response to Article on Codependency
Author: Denise Boggs

  As I read the article on codependency, I see the person I was eighteen months ago. As a matter of fact, I still see small traces of that codependent person every now and then. I have operated in codependency for most of my life. I know what it is like to have a parent depend on you for acceptance and emotional support. As a child, I always took responsibility for my parent’s divorce. All through my life I felt the need to please everyone. Even in my adult years I was very concerned about displeasing those I served in ministry and those whom I had relationships with. I drove myself to the brink of a nervous breakdown worrying about what others were thinking about me. At this point in my life, I have been totally stripped of who I once was. When I broke a long standing codependent ministry relationship, it cost me everything. I have never experienced such hurt and agony. My former pastor and I were intricately woven together in our relationship. We were both dependent on the other for affirmation and acceptance. I did everything in my power to please him. However, the effort was never good enough. When I finally broke free from that unhealthy relationship, I was a very broken and incomplete person. For many months I felt like I had no identity. I did not know who I was anymore. I had so depended on others to give me identity that I did not know how to stand on my own.  As I began my journey to wholeness, I began to see just how much I relied on the acceptance of other people to make me happy. What a revelation!
  As God began to work in my heart, I began to see that my identity was in Him. All those years I had put my identity in people and in my abilities and talents. Once all that was gone, I had no idea who I really was. It took me losing everything to see that I could only find my identity in God. These past two years have been a drastic dismantling of the codependent  house that was built around me. Room by room God has deconstructed my thought patterns and my value systems. Day by day I see that old codependent person being re-identified. I still have my days where I may slip back into some of those old thought patterns. But I remember the scripture in Proverbs 4:23 that states, “Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life”. Everyday is one step closer to my freedom from codependency. The road to freedom has been a hard one for me. I am still in the process of finding my place in Christ. Now that I understand what I am fighting, I know how to strategize to bring total freedom. Am I completely healed? My honest answer to that question would be “no”. But I am well on my way. As I gain my identity in Christ, I believe that my complete healing will come. I operated in codependency for thirty eight years. There is no quick fix to being free. I have to be determined in my heart and spirit to seek God and spend time with Him in order to know who I really am in Him.  D.M.

Codependency

Codependency is a secular term that refers to a person who has a lack of personal identity. Therefore, he has an unhealthy dependency on people, accomplishments, or material things. He puts value on people and things because his own worth and value has not been established. This unhealthy dependency comes as a result of growing up in a dysfunctional family where his personal uniqueness and significance was not recognized. In the book, Love is a Choice, on page 15, we read: “The codependent is bound and tormented by the way things were in the dysfunctional family of origin. The ghost of our past – our nurturing years and the childhoods of our parents and their parents on back – wrap their eerie fingers around our present. Sometimes they whisper and sometimes they shout. The din can be helpful or damaging.”

A codependent person is bombarded with feelings of worthlessness and low self esteem due to his lack of identity. In Love is a Choice, on page 17, it says: “A codependent is certain his or her happiness hinges on others. A codependent‘s happiness depends almost totally on what others do and think.” Codependency in its full definition is an addiction to people, behaviors, or things as one tries to find identity, their worth, and value to family or society as a whole. In an attempt to control interior feelings of worthlessness, a person may seek out connection with successful people or organizations. Connecting to a successful person or organization is an attempt to gain identity through the association. The problem with this is that true identity can only be recognized when we accept ourselves based on who we are to God, the one who created us. The creator of something is the only valid source to define what was created.

CHARACTERISTICS OF CODEPENDENTS

1. A person who becomes codependent out of a need for identity. Due to the lack of identity, the person becomes dependent on others to establish their worth by validating them.

2. A codependent person seeks to gain validation and acceptance by meeting the needs of others regardless of the demand.

3. The codependent usually has grown up in an unhealthy family environment where love and acceptance was not freely given.

4. The codependent is bound and often tormented by the lies he has believed about himself due the lack of acceptance of their family.

5. The codependent’s self-esteem (and frequently, maturity) is very low. Emotional pain has slowed down the maturing process.

6. A codependent is certain his or her happiness hinges on the acceptance of others.

7. A codependent’s need for acceptance will keep him tied to unhealthy relationships, many times going along with things he is not in agreement with and unable to say “no” to.

8. Many times a codependent lives in denial about how unhealthy his relationships are and ignores the warning signals.

9. A codependent may feel certain that only a person who needs him will accept him, so he stays in relationships with only needy people.

10.  A codependent will feel overly responsible for others.

11. A codependent has a need to be needed; this keeps him in relationships with others who have many struggles in life (usually someone with addictions).

12. As a child growing up, a codependent’s life is filled with extremes (all or nothing), so life as an adult is always in chaos.  A life of peace seems almost impossible.

Codependent Relationships

In a codependent relationship, one person attaches to another in an attempt to gain his identity. By being accepted by this person, he has come to believe that now he has an identity. But instead of gaining identity, he loses identity, and gets lost behind the other person. Then the issue the other person struggles with now becomes his.

 

Codependent Relationship     Healthy Relationship

 

 

 

Symptoms of codependent relationships:

 Lack of boundaries, can’t say “no”
 Not knowing where they end and the other begins
 One rescuing the other
 One fixing the other
 One controlling the other
 Lack of identity without the other
 One using the other
 One always taking and never giving
 One always giving and never receiving

The Trap

Any codependent relationship is a trap. Why? Because neither of the two people in the relationship are getting what they need. They are getting a tiny drop of love, just enough to stay in the relationship and hold on, hoping next week will be better. But next week is the same; nothing ever changes.

Steps out of Codependency:

1. Recognize: The first step to experience freedom from codependency is recognition. Break out of denial and face the truth. Learn to face reality, asks someone to help you look at your world objectively.

Recognize codependency by observing symptoms of unhealthy relationships. Recognize how unhealthy relationships have affected you. Recognize areas where you are minimizing problems or living in denial. 

2. Responsibility: The second step to freedom is to take responsibility for your healing. Who hurt you? Who rejected you? Who failed to recognize who you were?

If you are struggling with the need for acceptance, it may be because the need for acceptance was not adequately met in childhood. Acceptance is a very important need, and if it was not properly met during childhood, wounding occurred. Get healing for all wounding. Look at all relationships in the inventory. Are you receiving acceptance in these relationships?

3. Relationship Inventory: The third step is to take a relationship inventory to determine where there is an unhealthy dependency. Are you overlooking bad behavior out of your own need? Are you living in denial and not looking at the things you are not in agreement with but tolerate in order to be accepted by that person?

4. Reposition: Reposition yourself in truth… The truth of who you are in Christ.  If you are born again and have a relationship with Him, you are “accepted.” (Ephesians 1:6). 

This means you are accepted and acceptable to God. He accepts you because you are in Christ Jesus. You must now begin to walk in the truth of your identity as a son, not a slave.

5. Truth: Begin to live in the truth. Become completed by Christ (Ephesians 4:13), not through another person. Only through Christ can you be complete. Another person cannot complete you or define who you are. Who God says you are defines who you are. The more you spend time in prayer and the Word; you will become more complete in Him. You will hear what He says about you in His Word, and as you embrace the truth, it will define who you are.

Eph. 4: 13-15 Amp.  “(That it might develop) until we all attain oneness in the faith and in the comprehension of the (full and accurate) knowledge of the Son of God, that (we might arrive) at really mature manhood (the completeness of personality which is nothing less than the standard height of Christ’s own perfection), the measure of the stature of the fullness of the Christ and the completeness found in Him. So then, we may no longer be children, tossed (like ships) to and fro between chance and gusts of teaching and wavering with every changing wind of doctrine, (the prey of) the cunning and cleverness of unscrupulous men, (gamblers engaged) in every shifting form of trickery in inventing errors to mislead. Rather, let our lives lovingly express truth (in all things, speaking truly, dealing truly, and living truly). Enfolded in love, let us grow up in every way and in all things into Him Who is the Head, (even) Christ (the Messiah, the Anointed One).

6. Boundaries: Break codependent relationships by living in truth and establishing healthy boundaries.

This is very hard if the codependent relationship has been established for a long period of time. Ask someone to support you as you began to make changes with unhealthy codependent relationships. See teaching on “Setting Healthy Boundaries”.

7. Speak the Truth: Begin speaking the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15). Speak the truth of who you are and who you are not, and your personal convictions. As you speak this truth, you are establishing boundaries. You may also need to speak the truth about things you are not in agreement with. Many times in codependent relationships the truth is not spoken because of a need for acceptance. Speaking the truth applies to all areas where you have previously gone along with another person just to earn their acceptance. Learn to speak the truth in love by expressing your likes and dislikes, your thoughts and feelings, and your visions and dreams for the future. Learn to not be overly concerned with another’s response as they are getting used to your having an opinion and a voice.

8. Freedom: Codependency is broken over time as you are set free from the fear of rejection and are no longer controlled by what others think.

You will experience more and more freedom from rejection, and the fear of man will diminish. With this freedom you will gain more confidence to express ideas, thoughts and opinions. If someone does not agree with your ideas, you can be okay with it, and not view the lack of agreement as a rejection. You will experience the peace that comes from being accepted, complete, and secure in Christ and no longer dependent on others.

11 Corinthians 5:17 Amp.  “Therefore if any person is (ingrafted) in Christ he is a new creation (a new creature altogether); the old (previous moral and spiritual condition) has passed away. Behold, the fresh and new has come!”

PRAYER FOR FREEDOM

Dear Heavenly Father,

I am so tired of struggling with the fear of rejection, and I come to You for freedom. 

Today, I choose to forgive all those who did not accept and validate me when I was younger. I forgive ___________and release all the anger and resentment I have held towards them.

I ask you to forgive me for my sinful response towards them.

I thank you, Lord Jesus, for being willing to go to the cross and experience this pain of rejection so that I could be set free from it.  You bore my pain and sorrow and provided the way for my healing and freedom.

Father, forgive me for accepting the lies of (rejection lies).  Forgive me for living in the fear that these lies are true.  I repent for seeking man’s approval and placing man’s opinion about me above Your Truth.

I come back into the safety of your Truth.  You said that I am fearfully and uniquely made.  I am accepted in the beloved.

Thank you, Father, for loving me and accepting me. Thank you, Jesus, for my freedom.

I declare that the power the enemy has had through these lies is broken. In Jesus name, I declare I am free from the fear of rejection.

I ask you to break the hold that this fear has had on me and break me free from codependency.

In Jesus’ name,
Amen   

 

 

 

One of the blessings of being a child of God is the blessing of dwelling in His house; I call it dwelling in the Big House. David declared in Psalm 23:6, “I will dwell in the House of the Lord forever.” As a child of God dwelling in the Big House, you are perfectly aligned for all His spiritual blessings. Many people however do not accept this blessing; they are still dwelling in a little house with a very limited perspective. It is hard to see all of God’s blessings, much less believe they are for you if you are still living in the little house. In the little house you sit in the same little chair, and eat the same old stale bread. In the little house you are bound by what others think and what they say. There are only two rooms in the little house - these rooms are called fear and doubt. When you go into these two rooms, all you hear is “I probably can’t do it” and “I doubt I ever will.”  The choice is yours.  You can move into the Big House, or be content to just stay where you are in the little house.

If you have been a Christian for many years, you should have matured to the point where you have embraced your full inheritance.  You should know by now that you belong in the Big House surrounded with all spiritual blessings. You should be enjoying all the benefits of being an heir, a joint heir with Jesus Christ. And by now you should also be carrying out your Father’s business as heirs normally do. God is in the blessing business and He wants His children to carry on the family business and bless others.

Stuck in the Little House
Many people are sixty years old and still stuck in this little house. The little house is much like the house you grew up in. It is in this little house that you were groomed and prepared for the day you would walk out the door and begin to walk in your destiny. Your father had the awesome responsibility of affirming and calling you forth into maturity before you left his house. But if you were not blessed and affirmed you may still be waiting for affirmation. If you did not hear him say, “I love you, and I am so proud of you” you may be stuck in the little house. The words your father said or did not say can keep you stuck for many years, trapped in the past. When you are trapped in the past and still waiting for these words to be spoken, you cannot move forward. Many people are stuck still waiting for the words of affirmation that they never heard. They are unable to move forward and embrace the blessings God has prepared for them. Are you living in blessings of the Fathers House or are you still stuck in the little house.

This simple exercise will help you determine where you are living.
Think for a minute of the words that were spoken to you when you still lived at home.
Did you receive words of affirmation?
Did you receive words of encouragement?
Did you receive words that built you up and gave you hope?

Even in a loving family many times there is a void of affirmation. Words are spoken that tear down a child’s spirit. Words can bind you up and shut you down and keep you from believing that God wants to bless you. When you release these words, then you can receive God’s Word and take you place in the Fathers house.

The Prodigal
For the prodigal to regain his rightful place, he had to go back home and make things right with his father. We are sons and daughters of God and our Father is calling each of us to take our rightful place. God has made it possible for all His children to live, abide and dwell forever in His Big House with all spiritual blessings in Heavenly Places (Ephesians 1:3). You have a seat with Christ in and a big banquet table is being prepared. Our loving Father watches and waits for us all to come home. But like the prodigal son, we too must make things right with our earthly father. If you haven’t made things right, then your blessings are hindered.
 
“In thy presence there is fullness of joy at thy right hand there are pleasures forevermore” Psalms 16:11.

Leaving the Little House
So how do you get out of the little house?  How do you lay aside the lies you have believed that keep you in the past? You start with the words that bound you up or tore you down instead of building you up. You will feel like a child as long as you stay bound by the words that were spoken as a child. (Read I Corinthians 13:11)

 I am a parent of three children and I know I have said many hurtful things to my children, and I have asked for their forgiveness many times. Forgiveness removes the words from their mind like clearing a garden of weeds. I believe parents should check their children’s garden daily just to see if any lies have been planted. Many times parents do not even realize how the things they say affect their children. A parent can say one thing and a child hear something entirely different. I am not blaming parents in this exercise - my goal is to uproot the lies and heal the hurts.

Allow your Father God to up root every lie that you have believed and plant His Word of Truth. Find scriptures that tell you what your Heavenly Father says about you. You can start by reading Ephesians 1:3-5.  God’s Word will always build up, restore, and heal. The Truth of God’s Word will dispel all the pain of the past and the lies of the enemy. But God’s Word must be applied directly to the hurt, just like medicine to a wound.

Write out Ephesians 1:4 and make it personal, “He has chosen me.” And Ephesians 1:3,”I am blessed with all spiritual blessings” Other scriptures can be written out and personalize and then put to memory, one scripture at a time.

The Big House
Like going to any new destination, you will need a vehicle to get you to the Fathers House; the only vehicle that will get you there is the vehicle of faith. 

It’s only by faith that we enter into the Fathers House- the Big House where we receive our full inheritance. By faith you take your rightful place as a son or a daughter and a joint heir with Christ. As you read the Word and by faith receive the Word as Truth you will find yourself dwelling in a new place, a higher place, high above the old life you once lived.
Galatians 4:1 says as long as we are a child, we are as a servant or a slave; but when we put away the childish way of thinking- the old lies, we can by faith receive our identity and full inheritance.

“Now I say that an heir as long as he is a child, differeth nothing from a servant, though he is Lord of all.”  Galatians 4:1
  

Before faith, you are still a child - thinking, feeling and acting like a child. (1Corinthians 13:11) living in the little house. Now is the time to get into the vehicle of faith and travel to the Big House, the Father’s House where your full inheritance awaits you. You no longer are a servant or a slave, you have been redeemed and you are now an heir - a child of God.

“God sent forth His son… to redeem them that were under the law that they might receive the adoption of sons. Wherefore thou art no more a servant, but a son, and if a son, then an heir of God through Jesus Christ.” (Galatians 4: 4,5,7)

Many people are not settled with who they are. They live behind tightly closed doors, afraid to come out and discover who God created them to be. Fear will keep them locked up living a very lonely life. Life is like a race - you can only win if you come out and participate. Many people have been hurt and therefore, they are unable to enter into the abundant life God has prepared for them. Fear of rejection is what keeps many people from the abundant life.  The fear of rejection can be conquered when you discover your true identity. God’s Word has the keys that will unlock your identity and release you to participate in the race set before you. In life everyone wins when they embrace who God has created them to be and do what God has called them to do.

Have you ever asked this question, “Who am I?” The answer is a perception of how you see yourself, your value, and worth. This perception has been implanted into your mind over time and in many cases, it is based on incorrect information and even lies that you have believed. Therefore, it is very likely that the way you see yourself is not your true identity. The way you see yourself may be all twisted and tangled up, a mixture with some truth and some lies. The goal of this exercise is to help you separate the truth from the lies.

Stop now and pray asking the Holy Spirit to come and reveal the truth of who God has called you to be. There may be a vast difference between who you think you are and who God says you are. The following keys from God’s Word can set you free to be who He says you are.
 
The Key of Acceptance
Paul wrote in Ephesians 1:6, “I am accepted in the beloved.”  For many years I read this verse, but I just couldn’t get it. The lies I had believe were blocking my ability to receive the truth. I had experienced a great deal of rejection as a child and the lies I believed about myself were still there, even as an adult. You may struggle just like I did, always approaching others with an expectation of rejection. Rejection is a reality we all experience from time to time, but should not be taken on as an identity. The fear of rejection can keep you defeated and bound up in fear for many years. You may have experienced rejection, but you are not rejected. One of the schemes of Satan is to define you by what you have been through, like past hurts and defeats. Satan is the “father of lies” and he plants lies into our mind like seeds. He knows that if he can successfully plant these lies at an early age, he can govern the way you think. If he can control the way you think, then he can govern the way you feel with very little additional input. Most of our actions are determined by how we think and how we feel. When the way we think is based on lies, we will be prone to make repeated bad decisions. Satan knows that if he can plant lies when we are young and vulnerable, then he can program you for defeat and self-destruction. If you have received the lie that you are rejected, then every defeat or failure will confirm that this lie is true. In my life this proved to be a very effective scheme of destruction. 

Satan’s lies can be imparted directly through rejection and criticism, or indirectly by the absence of truth and positive affirmation. To determine the lies you have believed, you must look at what you believed as a child. As long as you believe the lies you believed as a child, you will think and feel as you did as a child. When you are a child you believe both truth and lies as all truth. Parents are the door that truth or lies must travel through to get to their children. Many parents have been blinded from seeing their significant role in confirming the truth of who God says their children are. The truth is a shield that protects their children from believing lies. If lies are believed, they have a life of their own and will continue to play over and over in our mind like a broken record. Rejection lies sound like this: you are worthless, you will never measure up, and you don’t belong. If these lies got through the door into your soul as a child, they may be governing the way you think about yourself and the way you think about your present circumstances. The lies from rejection can only be dispelled with the truth from God’s Word. The truth is the key that will set you free. The key that will unlock you from the pain caused by rejection is acceptance. If you have been hurt by rejection, God’s will for you is to be healed and set you free. By faith right now receive the truth from God, “You are loved and accepted in the beloved.” (Ephesians 1:6)

The Key of Blessing
“You are blessed with all spiritual blessings” Ephesians 1:3
Blessing is a powerful key. Blessing is God’s primary mechanism of confirming identity and establishing you into your purpose. When God blesses you, He accepts and receives you as His own. In the Hebrew, the word blessing means: to be empowered to prosper. A simple way to define blessing is to be accepted, and received, and regarded as one who has great worth and value. When God blesses you, He empowers you to prosper.

The highest form of blessing we can receive from an earthly vessel is to be blessed by a parent. God’s heart was to provide a safe place to impart identity into His children, and that’s why He established the home. The home is to be a haven where children are loved and affirmed as their identity is being discovered. Blessing is a key that fits perfectly into the key hole of each child’s heart to unlock their unique potential. Every child and adult alike needs to hear the words, “I love you, and I am proud of you.” A parent’s affirmation and blessing can empower their children to prosper and thrive as adults. The effect of parental blessings affects each of us for many years in our marriage, business, and even in our ministry.

The Appointed Time For Blessings
1. The first appointed time for blessing is at birth. Since God blesses the covenant of marriage, at birth a child is identified as a blessing, a joy, and an expression of the love between the two parents. Even from birth a child will feel blessed to be loved and accepted as a valuable addition to the family. Being received as a blessing gives identity. If this appointed time for blessing did not occur in your life, ask God to redeem all that was lost.

2. The second appointed time for blessing is when you receive your name. In biblical days, a name had such great significance that the parents would pray and seek God before announcing the name of their son or daughter. The name was announced and the baby was presented on the eighth day after birth. Many times a person had knowledge of their purpose in life through their name. Take Elijah for example; his name means “Jehovah is God.” Elijah’s destiny was announced in his name, and his purpose was to declare that Jehovah was the true God. His purpose and calling in life had been imparted into him through his parents. If this appointed time for blessing did not occur in your life, ask God to redeem all that was lost.

3. The third appointed time for blessing is at the age of thirteen when a boy becomes a young man, and a girl becomes a young woman. In biblical times at the age of thirteen, fathers spoke a special father’s blessing releasing his son into manhood. At this time, a father would also bless his daughter and release her into womanhood. A father’s blessing is so important for a young man or woman to properly enter into adulthood. If this appointed time for blessing did not occur in your life, ask God to redeem all that was lost.

4. The fourth appointed time for blessing is when a young man or woman chooses a mate. When you get married, a father blesses the marriage by being the best man. Or a father blesses his daughter when he gives her away. If this appointed time for blessing did not occur in your life, ask God to redeem all that was lost.

Redeeming the Time
If you were not blessed with a father’s blessing during these four appointed times, only God can redeem the time and all that was lost.

“Although my father and mother have forsaken me, yet the Lord will take me up (adopt me as His child)” Psalm 27:10 Amp.

Ask God to take you up and redeem all that was lost, and redeem all those years when you did not receive your earthly father’s blessing. Ask Him to restore all the years the canker worm has eaten. As God redeems what was lost, you must release those who did not bless you (parents or grandparents). Every one needs a father’s blessing and will struggle for years wondering, “Who am I,” but feeling they are past the age to ask. Now is the time to ask! Ask God for a Father’s Blessing, and He will bless you with all spiritual blessings.

A Father’s Blessing
God says in His Word to ask and it shall be given to you. Ask and He will bless you. All He requires is for you make peace with your earthly father. As you make peace by forgiving and releasing your earthly father, you will be able to fully receive your Heavenly Father’s blessings.

Making Peace
If your father is still alive, you can make peace with him through forgiveness. Pray the following prayer to forgive him for not blessing you. Even if you have forgiven him for hurting you in other ways, forgiveness is like pealing an onion you forgive one layer at a time and one issue at a time.

A Prayer to Forgive
Lord, I don’t know how to make forgiveness happen.
I have tried to change my feelings but I can’t. I need you to help me forgive.

Today I’m making a choice to forgive. I know I’ll have to choose again and again until you make forgiveness real and complete in me.

I choose to forgive _____________ for______________.

Forgive me for demanding they pay me for the harm they have done. I accept the blood of Jesus as payment in full, they owe me nothing. Cleanse me also of the sinful responses of bitterness and resentment and wash my heart clean. Forgive me for all condemning judgments that I have made towards them. Renew me with a new and right spirit.
In Jesus name Amen.

Expect a Blessing
Once you have forgiven your father expect a blessing from him, listen to what he has to say. He can speak a powerful blessing over you even at an elderly age. No matter what age you are, your earthly father’s words are still anointed with the blessings of God. I have personally watched and listened as an elderly father spoke words of affirmation to his son; but, because of unforgiveness, the son could not receive them. If your father is unapproachable, or not alive, you can still make peace through forgiveness. Forgiveness positions you properly to receive a blessing. “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who hath blessed us with all spiritual blessings in heavenly places.” (Ephesians 1: 3) 

Written by Denise Boggs
 

If so, a Living Waters Breakthrough Retreat is for you!  You will find that time sitting before the Lord dealing with the issues of your heart will break those cycles in your life.

Denise and Lee Boggs have been called to minister hope and freedom to broken and wounded hearts.  Denise says, “Fear grips many people and keeps them trapped and bound up with unresolved issues.  Fear hold them back from doing what God has called them to do.  Every unresolved issue can be traced back to a wounded heart.  That’s when we are vulnerable and embrace the lies of ...<< MORE >>

He that received seed into the good ground is he that heareth the word and understandth it; which also beareth fruit and bringeth forth some a hundredfold, some sixty, some thirty. Mathew 13:23

Think about how much of God’s Word you have received through-out your life time. Now, think about how much of what you have received through preaching, teaching and personal devotions that has produced fruit? This is a thought provoking question, isn’t it?

When Jesus prepared His disciples to evangelize the world He had one thing in mind. Establishing the Kingdom! The Kingdom would be established by His Word. Just as at the beginning when He said, “Let there be light,” and there was light; it was the power of God’s Word that would cover the earth and establish His Kingdom.

When God sent the Holy Spirit He was putting within each of His disciples the power of His Word. When they spoke according to His Word, the power was released. When God’s Kingdom principles and His Word are released into the world it should produce something – a 100 fold return. If the Word of God is full of the power to establish His Kingdom here on earth then why do we not see more of His Kingdom today? Jesus revealed to His disciples the hidden truth or the answer to this mystery when He taught the disciple the parable of the Sower in Matthew 13.  He said, “It is given unto you to know the mysteries of the Kingdom...” It was given unto them to know the mystery of the 100 fold return. The mystery is the condition of the soil where the seed is planted, the soil is the heart. God’s Word is a seed that produces fruit every time it is planted into good soil. If fruit is not being produced it is not a seed problem it is a soil problem, because God’s Word has within it, the power of God to move mountains, save the lost, and heal the sick.

For God’s Kingdom to fully come on earth all that is needed in this day and hour is men and women that will surrender their lives and allow God the prepare the soil of their heart to receive His Word.

Will you allow Him to prepare the soil of your heart by tilling the hard ground, removing the rocks and pulling up the deep rooted issues? Then, the Word you receive will produce much fruit, a 30, 60, or even a 100 fold return.

By Denise Boggs